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Archive for April, 2015

I feel like I’m circling the drain.

I can’t exactly explain it.

I’m at the conflux of several perfect storms – to wit:

aging parents

teenager

health (or lack thereof)

money (or lack thereof)

I can’t even seem to wrap my head around everything that’s going on. It’s just that I’m feeling dead inside and overwhelmed.

I do think I may have a touch of depression.

Just a touch.

I miss the things that made me feel alive.

Ordinarily I love spring.

This year I’m not feeling that “lift” that I usually get.

I mean – I still love the daffodils. I still find beauty in the tiny green buds on the trees.The emerald in the field is a welcome sight.

But I can’t seem to get on board with it all.

I’m doing the usual springtime garden chores just because they need to be done. I’m not making plans. I’m giving up the work on a lot of things. I just don’t feel like doing it anymore.

There are a lot of things I’m just not feeling anymore.

I think I need to get off social media for a while. Everyone else’s lives seem to be so much fuller than mine.

I’m at risk of fading away.

I’ve got three boxes of books yet to be read and I can’t seem to make myself start any of them. That is just so not me.

I like to think of myself as a pragmatist, but even the most pragmatic of us have a seed of optimism. I don’t feel optimistic.

I don’t sleep. Much. I’m groggy during the day and wide awake at night.

My parents both seem to be looking to me to “fix” things for them, but I don’t know how or what to fix.

My kid will be in high school next year. Four more years and out of the nest.

One of my dearest friends is getting remarried and she has asked me to be her matron of honor. Which of course I am going to do, but I am feeling a little reluctant about it.

Where is my energy?

Where is my desire?

Where is my zest for life?

I don’t usually feel this way at this time of year. This is more of a fall feeling.

I think I need a vacation.

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