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Archive for August 17th, 2009

I remain firmly convinced that I was born for a higher station in life than the one I currently occupy. 

Nothing, and I do mean nothing, makes me feel sillier than sitting around cutting out coupons like they were paper dolls. 

But this is what I do from time to time.  I gird myself for saving some money on our weekly grocery bill and I cut out coupons.  Problem is, the stuff I really could use discounts on, they rarely if ever make coupons for. 

Women who are adept at this (and probably a few men, too) can somehow work the magic necessary to save large dollars on their weekly purchases by combining the store specials with coupons.  I hear so many things about people like this,  how they manage to buy $400 worth of groceries for less than thirty bucks.  Which, first off, I don’t think I’ve ever bought $400 worth of groceries, and secondly, that seems like a lot of planning and scheming and coupon-cutting. 

Perhaps I’m just not patient enough. 

Perhaps I’m also quite lazy. 

The thing is, I just want to whip into the store and get my stuff and go.  I don’t spend a lot of time studying the grocery circulars and I’m not able to do the mental aerobics that one needs to do to calculate cost per ounce on the fly.  I don’t buy expensive stuff, usually.  In fact, I don’t even buy a lot of meat, which as most people know is a high-dollar expense on most budgets.  Our home life is such that often we’re not home for a family meal, and we do a lot of grabbing quick stuff or (forgive me, lord) hitting the drive-thru.  Meat tends to go bad before it gets cooked in such a scenario, and freezing it often equals waste for us, since frozen stuff gets forgotten and freezer-burned and blech

I am also not any sort of cook.  I have a few good go-to recipes in my repertoire, but faced with a spouse who is often dieting and young Picky McPickerson, it’s a waste of effort on my part.  And if it takes longer than 30 minutes to get it on the table from start to finish, then forget it.  More often than not, my version of a square meal is a box that says Old El Paso on it. 

I think that if I were a 1950’s housewife I’d have been locked away years ago.  I just don’t have the domestic cojones to play Susie Homemaker.  I especially hate coupon cutting.  It seems juvenile.  I trim around the edges of each coupon and I hate every minute of it, but I do it because I like to feel like I’ve got some sort of control over how much money I spend on vittles.  Because I have so little control over things in this life, it’s an illusion I continue to cling to. 

Today is my grocery day.  I have coupons in hand.  That is, if I can remember them and not leave them in the front seat of my car. 

 

— Mox

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