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Archive for May 29th, 2008

So today is my 15th anniversary. 

The fact that my husband and I have been hitched for 15 arduous years makes us something of a minority within our circle of friends.  We’ve seen the rise and fall of many a relationship over the years, and as a result we don’t have a lot of “couple friends.” 

When you are in a committed relationship, it’s hard to find a couple to be friends with where each of the four of you likes one another, or at least feels comfortable with everyone.  If you’re going to go out for dinner with people, it helps if you can have a conversation that doesn’t feel like it’s forced.  We’ve had a few couple friends where the relationship has really “clicked” and we’ve all gotten along well.  When you have that, count yourself as blessed. 

The problem comes when those couples don’t remain couples.  When a couple splits up there is the inevitable break with their couple friends.  Sometimes one or the other of the couple will retain custody of that particular relationship, but it’s never really the same after that.  Someone always feels left out. 

The last set of couple friends we had dissolved right before my eyes.  They were a classic case of two people who should have never gotten married in the first place, but they had a child together and decided to do the “right” thing and get married.  Some people get the cart before the horse when the horse should have never come out of the barn to begin with.  But I digress.  At any rate, I knew the relationship was doomed when she started confiding things to me that I didn’t want to know, things that proved to me that she was lying to him about just about everything.  When a relationship is built on one lie after another no one should be surprised when it finally tanks. 

As the friends in this scenario, custody of our relationship was awarded to the man, since he was my husband’s friend to begin with.  Now whenever we get together it’s three of us, and while I enjoy his company I do miss having another female perspective in the conversation. 

Most of our friends count on us to be the stable couple.  And we are, but not without a lot of development over the years. 

My husband and I often scratch our heads and wonder aloud to each other how we’ve managed to keep this relationship going for so many years.  Sure, there are couples of our acquaintance who’ve been married longer, but an good many of them seem to be locked into a staring contest to see who blinks (and dies) first.  There’s a lot of animosity, is what I’m saying.  My husband and I have our acrimonious moments, to be sure, but for the most part we’re comfortable with one another. 

Don’t discount the comfort factor.  Part of a long-term relationship is knowing where all the warts and scars are on another person and being basically okay with that.  I don’t know at what point we settled into this comfort zone with one another, but it’s far, far better than the mercurial ebb and flow of emotions that we used to live with. 

It’s either that or we’re just too damned stubborn to give up. 

— Mox

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