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Archive for May 8th, 2008

Dear family and friends;

I know you are trying to be helpful and supportive when you say things like “everything is going to be all right” and “Spawn will be fine.”  I appreciate what you’re trying to do.  However, those words do not calm me. 

Of course it will be all right.  Of course Spawn will be fine.  I know these things down in my soul, because I am going to make them happen.  And I dare anyone to challenge me on this.  You will not win. 

And for those of you who have both gently and not-so-gently suggested that I am making a mountain out of a molehill, that the diagnosis is what it is because that is what I went in seeking — and you know who you are — you are not helpful.  At all.  And you also do not calm me by pooh-poohing my efforts. 

I am this child’s mother.  I carried this child inside my body for 40 very long weeks.  I think I know when something isn’t quite right.  You do not get to vote on this. 

What would be most helpful, to me, would be for someone to hand me a map that says, here’s how you navigate this.  While I am doing everything I think I should do, what I really could use is an insert-tab-A-into-slot-B type of direction for making my kid as normal and as like everyone else (a wish expressed by Spawn) as possible.  I have had some painful moments as a parent, but none in recent memory as painful as having my kid sobbing in my arms, wanting to be just like everybody else.  Spawn knows something isn’t right, and doesn’t understand what it is.  And I don’t know how to explain that to the kid.  To other adults, to the school counselor and the teacher, I can speak intelligently.  To a seven-year-old, I fail. 

The issue and challenge before me is to manage this without pigeonholing my child.  I am of the opinion that yes, accommodations will need to be made, but those accommodations do not need to become a crutch for the kid to lean on.  The absolute worst thing I can do is not equip my kid to live in the real world, where they don’t cut you any slack. 

So tell me, friends and family, how can this all end up being “fine” if I don’t quite know how to go about it? 

 

 

— Mox

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