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Archive for April 21st, 2008

There is a sizeable portion of my personality that is perfectly content to live in my own little protective bubble.  I am master of my own universe there. 

I spent a good portion of the day on Friday puttering about in the garden, a rainy, cool Saturday wandering around a garden center gathering ideas, and a small portion of Sunday getting basic spring cleaning done out in the yard.  And I was perfectly content.  It was really nice to drop out of my routine for a while. 

De-stressing sometimes requires a physical component to be complete.  As I was soaking in the tub last night, tired down to my bones, I felt rather peaceful.  I discovered this component to stress relief back some years ago when my grandmother was dying.  I would go to the nursing home to visit with her every other day, made sure she ate, made sure she was cared for, and then I would come home and put on my grubbies and dig around in the garden for hours.  As I dug I would process my fear, my worry, the growing seed of grief.  It didn’t stop me from developing stomach problems in the wake of her death, but it did help keep me from going completely crazy. 

My husband and I play the lottery, and we often talk about what we’d do if we ever got the right numbers.  Just the notion of having all my bills paid off, being able to afford Spawn’s education without having to stretch the budget, being able to finally let go of the breath that I have been holding — well, that’s worth its’ weight in gold to me.  Yeah, I suppose we’d take a couple of extreme vacations, or buy something really extravagant, but for the most part our money mentality would be hard to change. 

One thing I’d do is drop out of the rat race, stop scurrying along like I’m bailing off a sinking ship.  Oh hell yes, I’d quit my job.  In a heartbeat.  I’d do the things that I wanted to do for a change, attend events that I don’t have the time or money to attend nowadays, take some classes, paint, write, learn Italian.  To be able to involve myself in the things that truly interest me, without concern to how they impact my bottom line, to me that is what freedom really is. 

In lieu of all that, I snatch what time I can to dig in my garden.  It’s therapy on the cheap. 

 

 

— Mox

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