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Archive for February 25th, 2008

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Well, folks, we are somewhere past the 2/3 mark in winter.  Of course the seasons don’t really pay too much attention to the calendar that mere mortals live by, but at this point the balance of winter is shrinking day by day. 

I’m sure I don’t have to tell you how pleased I am about that. 

Yesterday it snowed.  Again.  It was the good kind of snow, the kind that makes good snowballs.  Unfortunately all it did was dust the ground and the trees, so any sledding or fort building or snowman making that would ordinarily be done with packing snow will have to wait.  It goes without saying that I would personally prefer to wait forever for a snow like that, but I have a seven-year-old who was mightily disappointed about the whole bit.

I took a walk in the snow yesterday.  While it’s true that I don’t particularly care for cold weather, I do appreciate beauty in all its’ forms.  The snow that dusted the ground was on top of the ice we had last week, and that made for a lovely sight on all the trees.  It was nice to be alone outside (I was the only one crazy enough to go out for a walk) with just my thoughts and the snow and ice melting off the trees.  You really see stuff when you’re meandering about. 

A few things on my mind during my jaunt: 

1) While I have set in motion the process to get Spawn tested for a variety of learning disabilities and/or behavioral problems, the fact of the matter is, it’s a slow boat.  After sending off a whole packet of information to a testing agency, I have yet to even get a phone call from them to set up an appointment.  I’ve called but have gotten nowhere.  I’ve resigned myself to the fact that the school year will be over before we know anything; Spawn’s first grade year is shot.  This makes me sad on a lot of levels.  I mean, you want your kid’s first school experience to be a good one, so as not to taint the rest of the kid’s school career.  I so wanted Spawn to love school.  Spawn does not love school. 

2) Because this testing thing is taking so frickin’ long, Spawn’s pediatrician has suggested another place to do testing, on the off chance we’d get in sooner rather than later.  The pediatrician even went so far as to call this other place and get our name on the list.  I got the paperwork to fill out on Friday.  Basically all they wanted from me is one sheet of information plus a copy of my insurance card.  I’m guessing they’ll have me fill out a big packet of stuff at a later time, or at least I’m hoping so.  It does not make me feel very comfortable to not give them a pile of information.  Especially since the name of the place has the word “Psychiatric” in it. 

3) My pastor is leaving our church.  My denomination moves pastors around quite a bit so that’s nothing new to me, but in general they don’t announce the move until about mid-May.  In this case the announcement came not from our pastor but from his boss.  So, the district leader comes in on a snowy Sunday in mid-February and announces that we will be getting a new pastor in June…?  Something sounds fishy to me.  My pastor has been taking subtle pokes at the church membership for a while now in his sermons and I’m betting this has something to do with it.  And dang it, I really like this guy, too.  I “get” his sermons. 

4)  I’m wondering if the time for me to leave my church is now.  There is something to be said for family and tradition, and I am attending the same church that my grandparents attended, that my mother was raised in.  Except for a brief moment in time where I went to Mass as a child with my dad, I have been raised in this church.  I’m okay with the denominational church doctrine as a whole, but it’s in this particular church that I am beginning to question my presence there.   I’ve seen an ugly side to the people there, and while I know that the seamier side of Christianity often shows up within the church walls, I am beginning to think that my spirit can be better fed and led elsewhere. 

5)  As I often do when I find myself at a crossroads, I’ve started looking for the larger picture here.  What am I doing here — physically, emotionally here?  Why am I in the place that I am, and what am I supposed to learn about it?  Where is it all leading me?  Did I miss a turn somewhere? 

6)  Stopped in the other day at my old job, just to say hi and see how things were going.  The tales told there made me very glad that I don’t have to deal with that load of crap anymore.  Yes, I’ve done the right thing.  At least as far as that’s concerned. 

For a two-mile loop through the snow, there were a lot of things swirling around in my head.  But the act of walking, the physical movement, keeps me off meds. 

— Mox

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